


nagito komaeda's experience with intrusive thoughts

by himbojohnegbert



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Choking, Cuddles, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime & Nanami Chiaki Friendship, Hinata Hajime and Kamukura Izuru Share a Body Simultaneously, Human Nanami Chiaki, Hurt/Comfort, Kamukura Izuru Has Feelings, Kamukura Izuru Is Bad At Feelings, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito, Nanami Chiaki Lives, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Kamukura Izuru, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Sleepy Cuddles, Some Humor, Tired Hinata Hajime, Trans Character, Trans Hinata Hajime, Trans Male Character, Violent Thoughts, Watching Someone Sleep, also mentally ill, and nagito listens, but they do not like to acknowledge them, chiaki is nonbinary too, chiaki nanami is implied to be neurodivergent, hajime can switch back and forth but its kind of hard, hajime is so confused, i formatted the fic right this time r u proud of me, if there r any mistakes it's bc i was careless i know how to spell i promise :(, nagito is literally crazy /j, non sexual choking, she uses she they
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:48:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28624368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himbojohnegbert/pseuds/himbojohnegbert
Summary: nagito komaeda gives in to his unrelenting violent thoughts. chaos--both good and bad--ensues.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 9
Kudos: 74





	nagito komaeda's experience with intrusive thoughts

komaeda had worked hard to get to the point he was at. he'd been through hell, like the rest of his fellow students of classes 77 and 78. they'd gotten out of the new world program and were trying their best to move on, sure, but they worked their asses off to even be alive by then.

he'd worked so hard, and yet here he was on jabberwock island, their leader, hajime hinata, wrapping around the left side of his body like an infection. he wasn't afraid to admit it was a good type of infection. maybe that was a bad comparison. he was in a deep sleep as his leg had itself draped lazily above his partner's hip. his left hand was grasping komaeda's shoulder gently. his face was buried in their neck, while his own was stretched out for all to see, tan skin soft and almost glowing in the dim light of the evening hour.

komaeda had an arm around their boyfriend's waist, loving every second they got to see him so clingy and submissive, almost like a bunny. he basked in his boyfriend's warmth, ignoring the left side of his body that was going numb from hinata's weight on him. it was nice to see him relax when he was normally stressed and overworked all the time due to the future foundation shoving all extra work his way. "we just want to see if you're loyal" my ass, komaeda thought. they almost pitied their boyfriend, but would never say it out loud unless he wanted to get punched. 

he let his mind drift, lost in the inner peace he was enveloped in. having hinata around during the night made life so much easier, if komaeda were to be honest with himself. he felt safe, warm, loved. 

"you could kill him," a voice, their mind, told them.

komaeda paused for a moment, shaking his head and moved the hand on hinata's him to any brown hair he could reach. it was soft and short. he wanted to kiss the top of his head, but the position made it too hard to even bother. he ignored the repeated harassment coming from his brain. hinata trusted him, and it took long as hell to get that far. he could never ruin something so special. maybe, he thought, he was selfish for that, but he didn't care. he was high off the euphoria of having someone who he loved so close to him. 

but then it kept going. 

after hours of trying to get to sleep, komaeda grew restless. the voice in their head was relentless and they were so tired. 

they glanced down at hinata's unmoved sleeping body. his skin still shimmered under the limited moonlight seeping through the cottage window. slowly, they reached towards their boyfriend's exposed neck, wrapping one bionic hand around it, the other hand following close after. 

he squeezed gently, nothing changing except the other's breathing pattern. 

they squeezed not-so-gently, feeling a small sense of relief filling them as their boyfriend's breathing became noticeably labored. why were they doing this? the truth was they didn't know at all. they continued to tighten their grip on the other's neck.

suddenly, loud coughs filled the room and heterochromatic eyes shot open. hinata lifted his head up so fast that his skull hit komaeda in the chin. komaeda moved so he was pinning his boyfriend to the bed.

"na-gito-" he wheezed, reaching both hands up to try and pry his lover's hands off his neck. "not cool!!" he whispered sarcastically. probably not the best timing, hinata.

komaeda quickly snapped out of it, hands dropping from hinata's neck in the blink of an eye. they darted of of hinata and sat about a foot away on the bed. "hinata-kun," he breathed. "i'm truly sorry. i don't know what got into me." 

it was the truth. hinata knew this as well as komaeda did. he'd grown to understand his lover more than anyone else. he knew getting mad right away--which, to be honest, he didn't even want to do--would definitely make things a hundred times worse.

"jesus, what happened?" he rasped, hands rubbing at the forming red spots on his neck.

"i-i don't.. it told me to-" komaeda teared up, feeling like a child shifting the blame. "i'm so sorry, hinata-kun!" they collapsed into their boyfriend's chest, hugging him desperately and letting the tears fall. "please, don't forgive me! tie me up again, just like in the new world program! starve me and torture me just like i deserve. or better yet, kill me off, just like i've always told you to! i'm a danger to you and everyone else. i don't deserve to be cared for by someone as amazing as you. i hurt you, my hinata, i hurt you! i hurt you! i hurt you! i.. hurt you! i'm sorry, i'm sorry-"

"nagito, stop," hinata whispered, voice shaking, and not only because of the previous choking. his lover was sobbing and hiccuping into his shirt and they looked like they'd truly been broken. "nagito-"

"i'm so sorry, i hurt you," komaeda continued repeating those words like a mantra. hinata didn't know whether to intervene or let them get it all out. he rubbed their back softly with the palm of his hand. he was wary, considering the circumstances, but he knew komaeda and continued to trust him, as stupid as he knew he was for it. 

"hi-hinat-a-" sleep was tugging at komaeda's eyes, but he just kept on crying and pleading with hinata (who was slowly becoming more comfortable with his lover again--of course this wouldn't be forgotten by morning [or anytime soon as a matter of fact,] but, again, he [stupidly] trusted komaeda.) 

hinata was rubbing his lovers back soothingly and pressing kisses to the top of his head for a while, along with running his hands through the soft, white, fluffy hair. the crying slowly quieted down to small whimpers and mumbles, which were equally as sad. (and cute too, but hinata knew it wasn't the time to be having those types of thoughts.)

the brunette hummed and tried taking komaeda's chin in between his fingers to lift their face up. their face was still buried in his chest, embarrassingly nudged between his, well, delicates, (as kaede would say.) 

komaeda reflexively twitched their head to the side to free themself from his grasp, but accepted it after. they weren't sure what hinata was doing, but they had told him to kill them, and the offer still stood.

gently, hinata lifted their face to look at him--they looked like an absolute mess--and spoke up. "listen," he said, "what you did was bad and if i'm being honest, terrifying--but i love you, and we're gonna work whatever this is out together. okay? i know you, nagito, and i know you'd never do something to hurt me. not anymore at least..." he muttered the last bit, but, of course, due to the silence in the room, komaeda could hear him loud and clear.

without another word, hinata watched as his lover sniffled quietly, eyes beginning to ear up again. his lip quivered, chin still in the other's grasp. "nonononodontcrydontcry-"

he cried. 

wrapping his pale arms around his boyfriend's waist, komaeda rested his head on hinata's shoulder and hugged him tight. the tightness was making him worried they may try to choke him out again, but he pushed away the thought, hugging them back.

"i love you so much, hinata-kun," they sniffled. "i didn't mean to hurt you, i promise. i love you."

"i know, my love," hinata assured them. "say, we're both pretty shaken up, do you want to go to the restaurant for some tea and crackers or something? i know for sure neither of us will be getting to bed any time soon." 

"okay," komaeda sounded unsure, hesitantly pulling away from his boyfriend. "okay."

"alright," hinata slowly leaned in towards komaeda's lips, silently asking permission. they finished off the distance themself, kissing him deeply and lovingly, as if trying to prove something. he let them be the first to pull away, worried it would come off like he didn't want to kiss them if he were to pull away first. was that irrational? probably not, when it came to komaeda. "i'm gonna get some clothes on, babe."

komaeda wiped away stray tears and felt his face burn at the pet name. "okay," he repeated. 

hinata was in the middle of taking off his t shirt when he noticed that his lover was just staring at him from the same spot on the bed he'd left him on. he froze in place and then let his hands and shirt fall to his waist. 

"uhm.. are you just going to stare at me..?" he asked.

"i'm sorry, but watching someone as handsome and as hope-inspiring as hinata-kun change is just truly a gift i can never pass on."

"erm. okay, just change whenever you're ready i guess," he grimaced, returning to taking off his shirt.

it's not that hinata was embarrassed or insecure of his body. (well, he was, considering the amount of comments he got about his femininely shaped body, from people he barely knew at that, but usually he didn't agonize over it too much.) having the person you love--the same person who more or less tried to kill you ten minutes ago--stare at you while you're changing would make anyone a little flustered, right? especially when they were... drooling. and also looking like they wanted to drink you like a glass of water. 

hinata pulled his binder over his head and adjusted it to his liking, then slipping his button-up onto his shoulders. right as he was about to begin the buttons, komaeda was suddenly right in front of him.

"may i do your buttons for you, hajime?" they asked, taking his hands in their own.

hinata wanted to say no and tell komaeda to get himself dressed before worrying about him, he really did. (but he didn't.)

he sighed and nodded, watching his lover drop to his knees and--wait, what?! "n-nagito, what're you doing?"

"why, im buttoning your shirt, hinata-kun. what else?" 

it was good to know that komaeda was back to being himself, but hinata did not have time for their constant teasing. 

"you better behave yourself, maeda, or i'm calling chiaki and telling her you're being a little bitch," hinata threatened.

"nanami-san will just laugh at you, like last time," komaeda told him.

"i thought we weren't going to talk about that," he uttered, feeling his lover finally start to button up his shirt. with each button he does, he presses a kiss to hinata's exposed stomach. it made him feel warm, like his head was buzzing. the energy in the room had changed so fast that the brunette didn't know what to think. 

first, his significant other wakes him up, having chose violence, next they're in tears burying their face in his chest, and now they're being affectionate like a cat in heat.

hajime hinata needed a nap.

when they'd both gotten their clothes on, they ambled out of the cottage, komaeda lacing their fingers together and leaning into hinata's side. he returned the gesture and gently rested his head on theirs. the air outside was humid and warm, a gross combination that made the taller one's white hair frizzy and puffier than usual. the brunette loved it, it looked like a big, soft cloud that he could play with to his hearts content. 

they made it to the hotel, walking up the stairs to the restaurant, seeing nothing but a dim light coming from nanami's nintendo switch screen. she had her chin and arms on the table as she played.

"nanami-san?" komaeda called to her. it was sometime around midnight, and usually everyone retreated to their cottage by ten or eleven. she gazed up at them both with bleary eyes, blinking slowly. 

"hey, komaeda-kun, hinata-kun," she was already looking back at her game.

"hello!" komaeda approached her easily, letting go of hinata's hand and sitting beside her, watching her game. 

the brunette stared in confusion for a moment, "..hey," he sat beside his partner, wrapping an arm around their waist and pressing a kiss to the side of their head. they giggled and leaned on him, eyes not leaving the screen. "actually, maeda, i'm gonna go make us some tea like we planned. chiaki, do you.. want any?" he stood back up, still wondering why the gamer was here at such a late hour. 

"i think i'll have some... just put some milk and sugar in it for me."

he nodded. "could you-"

"i know how you like it, don't worry about it, nagito."

komaeda shifted in his seat happily at the small gesture and turned back to chiaki's game. he didn't speak, knowing nanami preferred to play games to escape the real world. he watched as she thoughtfully clicked away, playing a racing game, he assumed. he wasn't very good with video games.

a few minutes later, the ultimate hope returned with three steaming mugs balanced in his hands. his red eye had a dim glow in the dark room, which made the white haired one realize that all the lights had been shut off since before they got there. 

"for you," hinata placed a green mug a safe distance from nanami's elbow. "for you," he placed a pink mug in front of komaeda, "and for me!" he held up a red mug, holding it to his lips and sipping with his eyes closed. they snapped back open immediately, spitting it back into the cup. "god damn, that's hot!" he exclaimed, taking a seat next to komaeda once more.

"hinata-kun, it was steaming," the white haired one laughed. they were trying their best to stifle it, but their best unfortunately wasn't very good.

"hmmm," nanami hummed, "thanks, hajime... i think."

"you think?!" hinata whisper-shouted.

"your red eye is glowing," she pointed out. "do they want to front?"

hinata let out a deep, long sigh. he knew izuru kamukura would have something to say about what komaeda had done. "i apologize in advance," he rolled his eyes and shut them tightly. when they opened, they were both red instead of the usual one-red-one-green situation. 

"hello, kamukura-san," komaeda smiled warmly, taking a small sip of their tea.

"hey, kamukura-san," nanami mumbled.

"komaeda," kamukura glared at their significant other with harsh red eyes.

the smile was wiped clean from the pale one's face as they shrunk in their seat. they knew exactly what their lover was going to do. they were going to punish them profusely.

"ka-kamukura-san," komaeda shook slightly in his seat. he was sorry, of course, he knew what he did wrong, but kamukura was.. well, they were fucking horrifying. "i apologize. sincerely. i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to, i promise you. please punish me however you think necessary." 

by the time he was finished, he was bowing on his knees before his lover, on the verge of tears again. he stayed there in silence for a brief moment.

this seemed to interest nanami, as it would with probably anyone. "what happened..?" she asked, not really expecting an answer.

"i expect you to receive the same treatment hajime hinata was given by you this evening," kamukura stated coldly. "only then will i allow you near me once more. in more 'reassuring,' yet completely honest terms for you, since you are a weak-minded, boring human being, i love you, komaeda, but your sins will not go unnoticed."

"ah," komaeda quivered beneath them like a human to a god. "i understand. do what you must."

"good. lay down," they instructed, face looking unmoved as they watched him comply. the brunette swiftly moved to komaeda's side. they outstretched their arms agonizingly slowly, the white haired one's pupils almost heart shaped. 

it all happened at once. kamukura's hands wrapped around komaeda's neck like it was where they belonged. they squeezed as hard as they could, which, for a man made god, was pretty hard. komaeda coughed and sputtered beautifully, hands flying up to kamukura's. 

"to be killed by my kamukura-san," he choked out dreamily, "how wonderful..!"

"kamukura-san, what are you doing?" nanami leaped out of her seat, tossing her switch down and making her way over to help her friend. "you're hurting them!"

"that's the point. i'm simply helping my lover repay the debt he owes," kamukura said simply. 

"well, stop!" she screamed, dropping to her knees and trying to force their hands off komaeda herself.

and then they let go. "for your information, i let go because the time was up, not because you wanted me to. i could never be swayed by boring emotions like fear or 'the power of friendship.'"

suddenly, kamukura's eyes were closed tight again, and were back to being heterochromatic when they opened once more. 

"nagito!" hinata yelled, sitting on their lap and grabbing them by the shoulders, pulling them up right against his chest for a hug. "i'm so sorry, kamukura is insane! it took me so long to take control of them, they're so strong and seeing you like that.. it was awful."

komaeda barely even noticed. they were practically foaming at the mouth from the events that had just taken place. "it's okay, hinata-kun, we're even now, didn't you hear?" 

"no! we're not doing that, okay? i love you and i forgave you for what you did. it'll take a while to necessarily forget about it.. but i trust you. i'd trust you with my life, nagito."

nanami was just on the floor, dazedly confused as she watched the two bicker. well, mostly hinata. 

"ah... almost killed by the ultimate hope.. there's no better feeling than this."

"stop it!" hinata shook his partner--who was quite literslly in ragdoll mode, head moving like a bobblehead--by the shoulders.

komaeda looked a mess for the hundredth time that night. his eyes were slightly shut and kept going in and out of focus, there was drool dripping down his chin, and his face was painted a bright shade of red. 

"i love you hinata-kun," they slurred happily. "and you too, kamukura-san,"

"i love you too, but--wait, are you hard?!"

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey thanks for reading!! this took me all day to write so i hope u like it!!! feel free to comment i love hearing what you guys think :))


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